I am trying to start a BS diet. (NML my blogging guru at Baggage Reclaim created this concept.) So, here goes:
Him. He is too far away. I never hear from him during the day except on weekends. On weekends, if I don’t travel to him and/or make the plans for us to be together, then it doesn’t happen. I want someone to talk to at the end of the day. (And also at the beginning of the day.) I want someone who checks in on my day just to say hi. I know his job and his life don’t allow for this constant contact. I understand that he does not have the ability to give me more attention and to be more of a partner to me. What I don’t understand is why I ever thought that was okay. How is it that I have created this situation where half-ass is enough? I fought my way out of a miserable marriage to be begging for water in the desert. This sucks. That’s not BS. THIS SUCKS.
I love how I feel when we are together. I love the peace that is his and that he shares with me. I love everything I know about him. I love him. Except that he doesn’t have time for me. He doesn’t have time for us.
BS Diet fact: I want an us. I want time. I want more than he can give right now. I am not sure where that leaves things.