The Truth of What I am Trying to Ignore

I am trying to start a BS diet. (NML my blogging guru at Baggage Reclaim created this concept.) So, here goes:

Him. He is too far away. I never hear from him during the day except on weekends. On weekends, if I don’t travel to him and/or make the plans for us to be together, then it doesn’t happen. I want someone to talk to at the end of the day. (And also at the beginning of the day.) I want someone who checks in on my day just to say hi. I know his job and his life don’t allow for this constant contact. I understand that he does not have the ability to give me more attention and to be more of a partner to me. What I don’t understand is why I ever thought that was okay. How is it that I have created this situation where half-ass is enough? I fought my way out of a miserable marriage to be begging for water in the desert. This sucks. That’s not BS. THIS SUCKS.

I love how I feel when we are together. I love the peace that is his and that he shares with me. I love everything I know about him. I love him. Except that he doesn’t have time for me. He doesn’t have time for us.

BS Diet fact: I want an us. I want time. I want more than he can give right now. I am not sure where that leaves things.

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This entry was posted in advice, confessions, insight, Life, Love, Men, Relationships, Uncategorized, Women and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to The Truth of What I am Trying to Ignore

  1. I guess when searching to fill a void we are blind to some details in the beginning of things. A friend of mine did something I considered very smart and it worked well for her. When she started dating she made a list of things she MUST have in a guy and she committed herself to not compromising. Well, I hope it all goes well for you. Maybe he’s the perfect guy and the communication things will improve. Who knows

    • Funny enough he called as I hit post. I am such a dichotomy as a person: I either don’t use my heart at all or I let it rule my world. This is an old habit. Certain men trigger my submissive side. He doesn’t fit the usual Narcissist profile so maybe there’s hope! I like the list idea… Great plan! 🙂

  2. Talicha J. says:

    There are compromises we make when it comes to love, that’s just a part of it. However, you should never compromise your happiness. Time is important, sometimes we waste it but other times we realize how precious it is and dedicate it to the things we love. If he has very little time to dedicate to you then maybe you should find something/someone else to dedicate yours to. Life is too short to spend it unhappy, half-ass should never be enough, you deserve better. He may be a great guy but sounds like you guys just have bad timing…no pun intended.

    • I think you are right about finding something or someone else to spend my time on. I am wanting him to help me escape my reality but maybe it’s time to get real and deal with me. Yours and Scott’s thoughtful responses at least gave me strength to talk to him about it! Thank you!! 🙂

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