So today is the first step on my new path. I did good. I fought off the temptation of ruining my fitness plan. I stuck to my guns about not getting on a dating site. And I tackled my elliptical. (Including rearranging the furniture to accommodate the likelihood of me being successful. I like to look out my ceiling to floor windows into the back yard, so I think that will help.) Anyway, I have been doing a lot of reading lately and discovered the scary truth: neglecting ME (my physical, mental health and needs, in general) is just another form of self-punishment. I thought I had long outgrown this terrible practice. This is a long road, y’all. A childhood filled with rejection and invalidation doesn’t just disappear. It lingers relentlessly, waiting for a moment to have an encore. One more bow for the great performance of the past.
Today is for hope. I can believe that I will escape my current life and move on to the next phase. I am going to continue to rebuild myself, despite the outcries, protests (silent and otherwise) and cold shoulders I have received from “family” and “friends”. So here we go, on this adventure, seeking happiness. The real kind of happiness that lasts and recreates itself and goes from one person to another. I am almost afraid to dream. But, a dreamer is always easily led to the chase. The sweet feeling of closing my eyes and leaping…never knowing for sure where I may land.