Dreaming a little dream of me…

So today is the first step on  my new path. I did good. I fought off the temptation of ruining my fitness plan. I stuck to my guns about not getting on a dating site. And I tackled my elliptical. (Including rearranging the furniture to accommodate the likelihood of me being successful. I like to look out my ceiling to floor windows into the back yard,  so I think that will help.) Anyway, I have been doing a lot of reading lately and discovered the scary truth:  neglecting ME (my physical, mental health and needs, in general) is just another form of self-punishment. I thought I had long outgrown this terrible practice. This is a long road, y’all.  A childhood filled with rejection and invalidation doesn’t just disappear. It lingers relentlessly, waiting for a moment to have an encore. One more bow for the great performance of the past.

Today is for hope. I can believe that I will escape my current life and move on to the next phase. I am going to continue to rebuild myself, despite the outcries, protests (silent and otherwise) and cold shoulders I have received from “family” and “friends”. So here we go, on this adventure, seeking happiness. The real kind of happiness that lasts and recreates itself and goes from one person to another. I am almost afraid to dream. But, a dreamer is always easily led to the chase. The sweet feeling of closing my eyes and leaping…never knowing for sure where I may land.

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This entry was posted in advice, confessions, Dating, Dating Sites, Decisions, Divorce, drinking, Ego, feelings, Friendship, insight, Life, Love, Men, Psychology, Regret, Relationships, sadness, Single Mom, weight loss, Women and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Dreaming a little dream of me…

  1. Beautiful morning read here my friend. I hope all goes well and I truly agree that the plan you describe here is spot-on. (I’m not claiming to be an expert)
    I’ll be available as an unbiased friend if needed. The first day to the rest of your life starts now!

  2. Making the steps that you recognize are for improving your life will soon be the loudest voice in your head. My mom (she died about 5 years ago) used to be in my head a lot…and one day when my daughter came to me with some big issue, I “heard” my mom hollering. Right there and then I told her “Shut up Mom. This is MY daughter and she and I will handle this OUR way.” Since then she has “backed off” and when she speaks up now, it is positive and affirming. So take charge of those old voices by telling them to back off! Then put your fingers in your hears and hum….nyah nyah nyah I can’t hear you…in time it will be true.

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