I know:
That you can be dead without dying. That the breath and life that filled your chest can leave and all that remains is shallow nothingness. The depth of love and dreams and hope exhaled in a breath I never noticed. I wonder which day that was? Which degrading phrase was hurled at me? Which push-shove separated me from my foothold and flung me over the edge to free-fall?
I know:
That smiles can mean nothing. Laughter conceals screams. And that bargaining stops when all hope is lost. Letting go takes place in secret, in shadows under comfortable covers. Layers and layers of fancy and pretty and polite conceal the vastness of the void.
I know:
The days that I can’t do it. I can’t end it. Birthdays, holidays, firsts, lasts. The days I can’t continue. Mondays, work days, holidays, everydays without every lover and every friend that has chosen to take leave from my melancholia.
missmaribelmaeve 
. “Vastness in the void” … I could requote the whole thing.
I am sorry that this place you’re at is so, melancholic, but still I revel in the beauty of it. I know it is not so beautiful outside these words but the way you talk about this low point almost makes me want to be in it with you! Letting go in secret. I am also sorry that people do not rally around your dreams and desperations. It saddens me that so many abandon others like this.
Thank you so much, Erik. I think most people fear change and when the person who generally creates laughter and happiness, has sadness in her life, then it’s uncomfortable. I hope I am not that kind of person. I am able to sit through uncomfortable and be love. And BTW, you have rallied and I am thankful 🙂
Today any better?
oh and you should know, I fall for that sticky post on your blog nearly every time I come here. I’ll have it memorized before long. 🙂
Today was better in that I am making better choices I hope. :)Ok now which post are you memorizing? I am thinking that none of mine deserve such an honor…
Choices, hmm. They kind of suck. But that’s an aside.
Sunday morning confessions, Sept. 18th. When your blog comes up to the home page, this is the sticky post there. It’s quite brilliant actually, and I keeping catching myself reading it thinking how funny it is, then realize I’ve read it probably 20 times now. I’m finally starting to remember it’s not your latest post. Any how. 🙂