You’re gonna wish you never had met me. Tears are gonna fall rollin’ in the deep.- Adele
The day was long and brutal. I had people to deal with all day at work, and a mountain of paperwork. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t breathe. But, I could remember your words and your tone;the sarcasm and the condescension in your voice as if you were being bothered to deal with a petulant, ignorant child. All day long I thought about the plan I had developed over the past month. The days after you tried to send me away with an email have been harsh and painful as you pretended to love me and I pretended not to hate you. The day to enact my plan is here and your dismissiveness provided me with enough anger-fuel to burn it all down. First, I called a couple of numbers to obtain your wife’s office phone number. The third try was a charm… an automated office directory made it easy to put in her last name and her voice was singing through the phone asking me to leave a message. Her voice sounded authoritative, but pleasant at the same time. I imagined her calling your name and asking for another cup of coffee that I know you brew for her every morning. I hung up and decided to call her in the morning after my plan was completed.
I drove home after work and a doctor’s appointment and took a tranquilizer because my blood pressure was 150/115. The Doctor was in a panic, but I explained our situation and he told me to go home and take a tranquilizer. Then I began working on the plan. I created a social networking website profile for “us”. I included pictures, emails, text message conversations and finally a wav file of a collection of your voicemails you have left me. I left the profile private and used your handsome high school reunion picture as the profile pic. I used the name Mr. LBL (but only your real name) so that friends and family would recognize you. Next, I friend-requested every person in your friends list that is important to you. I had 2 I wanted to specifically accept the request before I made the switch. Eventually, one of them accepted and I switched the profile name to Mr. LBL and MissMaribelMaeve. I then made everything else public, so that everyone had a glimpse of our life together. They would know that we had loved each other fiercely at one time and that somehow you had forced me to hate you now. I went to sleep at 2 AM, got up at 5 AM and checked on ‘Our’ progress. I then called and left your wife a voicemail at work and told her to call her sister and ask her about the website. I apologized for leaving a message at her office and I think I said “thank you” as I hung up. (Which kinda bothered me for a while, but there was no taking it back. It was done.) I watched all morning as your friends and family must have started to realize that this website profile reveals your dark secret: ME. Finally, the second person I was waiting to join did so, and I sent you a screen shot of the website with her friend acceptance on it. I emailed you telling you to check your email and have a great day. You thanked me for setting you free. You also told me that it had been a long day of apologies and you told me you were sorry. You made sure to tell me that you were sticking with your choice to stay with her. It made me giggle that even after all that, you assumed I wanted you. Ego, the size of a continent. And that is the end of it all. I emailed your wife’s sister and gave her contact info for me in case your wife wants to curse me out. She never responded and I will not contact any of you again.
Funny how you can try to pretend that someone isn’t real, that they live in your computer or phone. Now I live in your world. Your children and grandchildren, brothers, sisters and in-laws all know my name and face. They know the promises you made because they read them and heard them and saw them in our pictures. They know my children are asking to talk to you and that I have to tell them your phone is broken. Now your world is fucked up, too. You insinuated yourself into mine and tore it down, so I have entered yours and burned it to the ground. And now, we are all rolling in the deep.
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless. I can’t help feeling that we could have had it all.-Adele