I am in a weird mood tonight. I had a VERY long day at work and haven’t really had a chance to talk to anyone but Mr. Loves Being Loved today. Typically, I do only talk to him. I am not sure how or why he became the center of my universe, but he is. I think it was little by little…he stole tiny pieces of my heart and put them in his pocket. He takes them out, tosses them around, kisses them and puts in back in his pocket for safe-keeping. In fact, I think I am in his pocket just in case he needs an escape plan. Put away for a rainy day.
I like to imagine being happy and laughing with him at one of the million private jokes we share. He is the funniest man I know: dry-wit and a master of imitations. His wife is lucky. She doesn’t have a clue that the man laying in bed with her is the man I am laying in bed dreaming of kissing, holding, touching. Mrs. Loves Being Loved takes it for granted that he is HERS. Marriage is a strange thing that way. We look at our spouse as a possession when really they are more like a pet. They need to be cared for and petted and fed and loved. I can say this because I was married. That’s why the guilt and utter disgust I have for my behavior is getting to be a weight I can’t bear. I am not the cause of their problems, but I just think it is wrong to be a wedge between married people. You should finish one relationship before beginning another. Mr. LBL and I had no intention of being this way. It sounds cliche’, but it just happened. Luckily, we live so far apart that really our intimacy takes place in conversation and sharing life over the phone.
I wonder what makes people lose sight of each other. It happens a lot. People forget why they married each other. People forget why they want to kiss each other and make love and hold hands. I want a love that doesn’t get forgotten. One that screams out for remembrance until I breathe my last breath. *Sigh*